As Seen On TV

I've said it before. I love a good story. I love to read a good story. I love to watch a good story. It can be a movie. It can be a great Broadway Play. It can be a television show. There's a lot of good television shows out there that I am just discovering in the past year or so. And they are all on cable.

There's very little worth watching anymore on the regular old school channels (CBS, NBC, FOX, ABC). Everything is pretty much reality tv and I'm beginning to get all realitied out. I was an avid American Idol fan from the beginning. The key word in that sentence is "was". I gave up on it this year. Ellen's funny, but she's not helping the show and the talent this year is pretty much non-existent. You know...Paula Abdul always annoyed the crap out of me, but now that's she gone, I have no one to make fun of. And I can't help but think about the lack of talent and the lack of crazy Paula. Is it a coincidence? Maybe she had better judgement then we realized.

Around this time last year, we switched from a Dish for our tv watching pleasure to a Cable Company. It was also around this time that I came down with that dreadful flu, since my neighborhood was in the heart of the whole panicky "epidemic" since a whole high school came back from Spring Break with it.

As I lay on the couch, miserable for days, I discovered the On Demand feature with our new Cable Company. I browsed, not really interested in anything more than getting rid of my flu and my prized pig collection in my office when I saw that I could watch an entire season of True Blood. I had heard about it but never had the time to become interested. I decided to try the first episode. Just to see what the hype was all about.

Twelve hours later I decided that if anything should ever happen to DH, I would like to replace him the Sheriff Eric Northman, the Vampire Viking. The show was great. I was hooked.

The next day, still feeling listless, I decided to venture into another made for cable television show. I decided to try Dexter. I was pretty much set against watching Dexter because I knew it was about a serial killer. I didn't like the idea of giving a serial killer a show. I thought it was glorifying murders, making fun of victims. Boy, was I wrong.

I am now Dexter's number one fan. I have a Dexter Bobble Head. I have Dexter trading cards. I live and breath Dexter. I rooted for Dexter and the cast at the Golden Globes. I count down the days until the next season.

I also discovered Nurse Jackie, The Tudors, and United States of Tara. All made for cable. All raunchy and funny in a way the old school channels could never be. I love being shocked. Old school channels just can't shock you the way Cable Channels can.

Yesterday, I decided to try WEEDS. Let's just say that I have watched the first 10 episodes in the last 24 hours. My daughter is having a playdate this afternoon. House needs to be straightened up. Dog crate needs to be cleaned. I need to shower. I will get that done, but I cannot wait until my daughter's friends go home so I can sit down and start watching season two of WEEDS.

Good stories on cable channels. God, I love that On Demand button.

When It Comes To Twilight

I get it. I really, really do. This movie junkie gets the whole hype behind Twilight. I get the anticipation. I get the devotion to Edward or Jacob or even Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, or one of the wolf pack. I am not ashamed of my loyalty to The Twilight Saga. I may even be what some call a Twi-Mom. I discuss the story with my best friend. We swoon and giggle like we are two twelve year olds. We saw Twilight together and came back grinning like fools and no, we weren't drinking.

Having said that, I do agree that Twilight is very cheesy, corny, and dragged on and stretched out to the point of beating a dead horse. It is filmed poorly, the make up and eye contacts are awful, and for crying out loud, someone PLEASE TELL KRISTIN STEWART TO WAKE UP!!! And the whole sparkling vampire thing...it looks like a teen leftover from a bad rave and a bad trip.

But I still get it. What's not to get. I was one of those swooning teeny boppers back in the eighties. It was a little movie called The Lost Boys. A vampire movie that made vampires so very sexy. And my main vampire was David, played by Kiefer Sutherland.

He was evil, he wore black, he had a bleached blond spiky mullet thing happening, he drove a motorcycle, he led his sexy gang of the undead. David was the ultimate vampire. He didn't sparkle, he burned in sunlight. His eyes glowed, his skin became taut, and his teeth grew when he was ready to feed. He slept all day and partied all night. He would never grow old. He made it fun to be a vampire. He made it hot. He made it sexy. And this fan wanted him to swoop down and bite her neck and make her one of his gang. (Or drink his blood, which seemed to be the way to turn someone in this case).

Kiefer Sutherland turned the whole vampire image around. The whole vampire culture was no longer about being a rabid, thoughtless monster. People everywhere began to see vampires as these enchanting creatures of the night. Both good and evil.

The nineties bought us Interview With a Vampire. More sexiness to the vampire lifestyle. It's the only movie where I can say that Tom Cruise is sexy. And I would never argue about Brad Pitt or Antonio Banderas' appeal in that movie. Again, people across the nation wished vampires

were real and wished they could be one.

And now we have a whole new generation of Vampire Wannabes. The Twi-hards. And I get it. I really, really do. And I will see the next Twilight movie in the theater.

Press Start to Play

I'm a geek. I admit it. Huge fan of Star Wars (as if you haven't figured that one out already). Watch Jeopardy faithfully every night. I'm counting down the days to the next season of Dexter. I have movie and television memorabilia around my house, from a Han Solo bust in my living room to Dexter trading cards framed and hanging in my den. I locked myself in my room for two days to read the final Harry Potter book. I cried when it was over. I can relate to Dr. Sheldon Cooper and friends on Big Bang Theory.

I am a geek. But the one geeky thing I could just never get into was video games. I am a child of the original video game system. At one time, my parents owned Pong. You know the game...a whole console for just one game on the tv screen and all the game was was a little square going back and forth. And people were AMAZED by this.

As I got older, Atari became popular. I begged for a system. I got one. I also got Pitfall. I think I played it like three times before I became bored with it. Not just the game, but the entire Atari idea. When ColecoVision came out, I begged for it. My mother glanced at my Atari which was just sitting around collecting dust and said no.

It wasn't the end of the world, because quite frankly I knew that it wasn't for me. I was never one of those kids begging for quarters so she could play video games at the candy store around the corner. I tried when I was older to join the Nintendo Craze, but once again I just wasted money. Mario Brothers was just too frustrating for me.

That's not to say I didn't like the Mario Brothers movie. I thought it was funny and cute. And the movie The Last Starfighter, which was centered on a kid who excelled at video games? I must have watched the movie a thousand times as a kid. Video games have not only changed the way we play games and entertain at home, but it changed the movies as well. There are hundreds of movies that are either based on a video game or centered around video game playing in general.

One of the biggest movies coming out this summer is Prince of Persia: The Sands Through Time, based on a video game. One of my kids' favorite movies is Spy Kids 3D: Game Over. One of the funniest movies out there is Grandma's Boy which is about a grown man who is a video game creator and lives with his Grandmother. And a very classic movie of the 80's is WarGames, another movie centered around a video game.

I'm rambling about video games and movies because over the weekend I saw Google's logo. It's Pac Man. Not only is it Pac Man, but you can actually play it too. It's all in honor of Pac Man's 30th anniversary. It blew my mind when I read that Pac Man is 30 years old. How is that even possible???

As much as I was never a video game fan, I loved Pac Man. Who didn't? We were brainwashed by Pac Man. He had his own song. His own cartoon show. His own cereal. Everything was Pac Man. Pac Man definitely broke down the walls between just being a game and making the game your life for thousands of geek children growing up in the 80's. He even had his own Christmas Special!!! A little yellow ball that gobbles up smaller balls is probably the biggest pop culture icon of the 80's. God, the 80's were weird.

Due Date

Today is May 22nd. This is a date that was drilled in my head for a long time. Eight years ago today, I sat with hands on my swollen belly and anxiety and excitement in my heart. It was the day that doctors had told me that our first child, our daughter would make our family grow. I know it was just an estimated date, but it was drilled into my mind, heart, and soul. It was the answer to a repetitive question..."When are you due?" "May 22nd".

I watched movies that were funny and about being pregnant that I could relate to. I loved Father of the Bride II and She's Having a Baby with Kevin Bacon is just classic. I also followed the episodes of Friends closely because Rachel and I were pregnant together. When she found out she was having a girl, I found out I was having a girl. When she looked down at her over sized belly and screamed "OUT! OUT! OUT!" I knew just how she was feeling.

With my due date approaching me fast and hearing everyone tell me "Now is the time to do things you want to do, do it NOW!! You will never get a chance AGAIN!! You will never sleep AGAIN!!!" I knew there was ONE thing I had to do. Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones was released on May 16th. Time was closing in. I only had a few precious days to see the movie before the baby came and I would never, ever, EVER get a chance to see a movie again!! (according to all the people who like to over dramatize motherhood.)

So, on May 20th, DH and I went to a late night showing of Episode II. DH, almost as big of a fan as I am, made me promise not to break my water or go into labor at anytime during the movie. I told him not to worry. Even if I had to give birth in the theater, I was NOT missing this epic event.

But...I did not go into labor during a Star Wars movie. And my due came and went with no baby.

Today, May 22nd takes on a different meaning. Sure, it took me years of correcting myself when I would mistakenly say my daughter's birthday is May 22nd, but I'm finally over that whole obsession with that date. Today is a special day for thousands of people across America who have been fighting for rights.

Today is the first Harvey Milk Day.

I never knew who Harvey Milk was until Sean Penn was nominated for his role in the movie Milk. When I heard a little about Harvey Milk, the number one thing that pressed was the fact that he was gay. I became very intrigued because Sean Penn is about the LEAST gay actor and I just could not imagine him portraying a gay man. I knew Sean Penn is a phenomenal actor, but I just did not think he could pull off being a gay man.

I was wrong. I do not see Sean Penn in that role at all. I only saw Harvey Milk. The whole movie blew me away. Not only was the acting by Sean Penn fantastic, but so was James Franco, Josh Brolin, Emile Hirsch, and even Lucas Grabeel (yes, the blond kid from High School Musical!). I learned so much about Harvey Milk from watching this movie. I learned about politics. I learned even more about Gay Rights and it's history and where they want to the future to go.

I strongly recommend this movie. It is a movie to enjoy from a movie goers seat. It is a movie to learn from.

And after much lobbying, today-on what would have been his 80th birthday-is the first of many Harvey Milk Day. This is a due date that has been long over due.

Friday Five

Okay, so this isn't a list of favorites. Mainly because I haven't seen these Friday Fives yet. With summer almost upon us and Memorial Weekend just a week away, we are bombarded with trailers and posters of movies that will be gracing the big screen and inviting us to step out of the heat and into the cool air conditioned theaters as we are whisked away through a journey of imagination.

So, here is a list of my top Five Movies that I am most anticipating. Chances are I will not see any of them (except for two) on the big screen, but I do look forward to eventually adding them to my Netflix queue.

Number 5-
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE-
I'm saving the whole Twilight blog for another day. Yes. I plan on seeing this one. I am looking forward to it. Team Carlisle!! And because of my daughter's interest in the whole Vampire vs. Werewolves thing, we WILL see this one on the big screen. It's kinda like Star Wars...once you've seen one on the big screen, you have to see them all.

Number 4-
INCEPTION-
Not sure what it's about, but the trailers intrigue me. Written and directed by Christopher Nolan, who rarely disappoints. Great cast from Leonardo DiCaprio to Ellen Page to Michael Cain to Lucas Haas and more. The filming looks so cool in a Matrixy way.

Number 3-
TOY STORY 3-
Come on!! Buzz, Woody, and the gang are back!!! Awesome!! Something tells me I'm gonna cry now that Andy is all grown up. It's gonna make me want to save my kids toys forever and ever. This is a MUST SEE on the big screen because my son is OBSESSED with Toy Story. It's all about Woody in this house. He's counting down the days to it's release.

Number 2-
CHARLIE ST. CLOUD-
I read the book that this movie is based on and really enjoyed it. So, now I'm curious about the movie. From the trailer I can see they made some changes. I wasn't thrill when I heard they cast Zac Efron as the lead, but I do believe he's slowly coming out of his High School Musical shell and just may surprise us all.

Number 1-
JONAH HEX-
It's a Western. It's creepy. It's a supernatural western. I love westerns and good ole' shoot 'em ups. I'm a cowgirl trapped inside a city girl's body. This one stars Josh Brolin who some of us might remember as Hickock on the late 80's/early 90's television show, The Young Riders. So, I know Josh Brolin can do western and he does western quite well. Throw John Malkovich and Will Arnett in the mix and I think we have a very interesting movie. Think they possibly could bring The Young Riders' Running Buck Cross in as an inside joke/cameo?? I would just squeal if they ever did that. Hey, a girl can dream.

Thursday's Three Line Reviews (one day late)

A day late with this. Trying to fight off a cold...or a really nasty case of allergies. It's hard to tell this time of year. Anyway, the one good thing about feeling icky and laying around is that you get a chance to watch some movies.

PASSENGERS-
Anne Hathaway is one of today's shining stars, but in this movie I found her a bit dull and overly dramatic as a grief counselor who's plane crash survivor patients are disappearing one by one. I thought it would be more suspenseful, but it seemed to drag on. The end was a great twist though.

MY SISTER'S KEEPER-
Having read the book, I enjoyed the book so much more and found myself disappointed in the changes in the movie. However, grab a box of tissues or two because this movie is one of the biggest tear jearkers I have ever seen. Most of the cast does really well, especially Joan Cusack and Jason Patric, but I thought Cameron Diaz was just too sunny and bright for a distraught mother fighting to keep her child alive.

BOLT-
A Disney/Pixar film that is cute and adorable. It's no Toy Story or Monsters Inc, but held my interest. It's one of my daughter's flavors of the month right now.

HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE-
What can I say except that I have a seven year old daughter? I actually thought the movie is enjoyable if you are not expecting much. Billy Ray is always easy on the eyes for the moms and I can't go through the "Hoe Down Throw Down" scene without tapping my toes.

THE CLAIM-
A period picture set in the olden days of building towns and railways through the mountains and making east meet west. Milla Jovovich is unrecognizable in this movie to the point where I thought the guide had it wrong saying she was one of the stars.
This is my kind of movie with the old time background in the cold, snowy mountains, and great costumes and set designs.

DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE-
John Travolta plays a dad bent on finding the truth about his son's new step dad. Holds your interest but then falls flat. Vince Vaughn should play more villain roles and Steve Buscemi is excellent as always.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN-
Excellent special effects and totally action packed. The problem is that it is so action packed that all the scenes began to blend and then I began to zone out and then zone back in and then wondered what happened to the little guy, the twins, and Sam's hand. About 30 minutes too long.

LEGION-
Dennis Quaid is in this, so I shouldn't have to say more. However, he didn't flash that sexy grin of his once and I'm not even sure if that could have saved this movie. If you saw the trailers with the creepy old lady crawling on the walls and ceiling and the scary ice cream man who's arms and face became elongated, you saw the best of this movie.

KNOWING-
Nicholas Cage is a Dad who's son brings home a cryptic message from the school's time capsule and when he decodes it, he realizes it has predicted fatal events for 50years and there are three more to come. The storyline is pretty good, it's a little creepy, a bit intense and I really liked the ending. I just wish some one else other than Nicholas Cage was in it because I couldn't stop staring at his wonky hair.

Oh, The Horrors!

Back in the day I was a Horror Movie fan. I lived for a good horror movie. I believe it started when PBS used to show the classic black and white horrors on Friday nights. I remember Mom making Jiffy Pop and allowing me to stay up late so I could watch Boris Karloff in Frankenstein. I was hooked. The following week it was Bride of Frankenstein, then Dracula, the Wolfman....maybe even some where Frankenstein met the Wolfman...maybe Abott and Costello was mingled in there somewhere. I was only in about third grade and I knew there was more. I wanted to see more.

When Cable TV (WHT anyone??) and VCRs entered homes, I was treated to "real" horror movies. I became an instant fan of Jason Vorhees, Michael Meyers, and Freddie Kruger. I loved low budget movies with great gore and blood. I would sit on the green shaggy rug (that had lost it's shagginess sometime in the mid 80's) and was mesmerized by Sleepaway Camp, Children of the Corn, Night of the Comet, and all the sequels to the great trinity of Horror (Jason, Michael, and Freddie). And of course all the Stephen King movies (and became a HUGE fan of his books too...read The Shining at age eleven!)

I laughed at my little cousins who cried if I teased them about burn victims with knives for gloves haunting them in their dreams. I wore pale lipstick and painted two bite marks on my neck to pretend I was a vampire. I started buying Fangoria Magazine every month and marveled over the artistic side to the FX of blood and gore and brains and guts.

When I hit my teens, I seriously considered going to some FX and Make Up school. I declared that I wanted to be the one behind the gore in the movies. The one who made the pretty prom queen look as if she had been eatened by a possessed trollish cat then coughed up like a hairball. I wanted to be in the Make Up and FX department. I wanted to turn corn syrup and red food coloring into blood. I even practiced with make up, arts and crafts paint, and household objects on myself. It's amazing what red paint, green eyeliner, purple eyeshadow, concealer, and scotch tape can do. I became pretty good. Actually had a knack for it. I would walk out of the bathroom, scare the crap out of my mother and then she would compliment me. For such a straight laced Catholic Mom, she actually encouraged my passion for horror movies, Fangoria, and artistry of make up.

But, I grew up. My dreams of possibly being the next Kevin Yagher (guy who is responsible for Freddy Kruger's face among other horror movies) were short lived. Gone were my teen years and I was eased into adulthood. Got married. Had kids. And then....

And then, I discovered that Horror Movies FREAK ME OUT!!! I hang my head in shame as I say this. What went wrong?? I was once a girl who would have loved a Chucky Doll in my room and Freddie Kruger on my pillow case! I was actually a vampire in a staged Halloween Haunted walk through one year, wearing a long white gown, roses in my teased hair, fangs krazy glued on my teeth, and blood down my neck and the white gown. I even invented a name for "character": Rosa De Nosferatu and loved jumping out behind a tree to scare the hell out of tweens and teens who dared to go through the walk. And now, you couldn't pay me to go through a Haunted walk through or house (unless it's the Disney one in Orlando...because that one ROCKS...and it's not so scary, when you get in the Doom Buggy).

I think it's the kids. They took away my guts. They took away my bravery. They've turned me into a quivering, fearful, Oh-My-GOD-The-World-Is-A-Scary-Place-Don't-Get-Hurt-Babies! Mom. You know the type. The kind that would LOVE to put her kids in a big plastic bubble and home school them until they are thirty.

But, I try to be brave. I plastered a smile on my face when my son smacked his head and cracked it open. With a gaping hole, DH and I calmly took him to the ER. While I really wanted to puke or faint or both, I smiled and promised him it would be all right as I held him down so the Doctor could stitch him up.

And last night, when my daughter's earlobe revealed an infection and then suffered an erupted volcanic blast of puss and blood, I wanted to run screaming from the room and hide my head under a blanket. But I tried to remain calm as I cleaned it up. Long after she was in bed, I was up shaking for hours. That's when I remembered my old Fangoria obsession. That's when I realized that I had Paranormal Activity sitting next to the tv because I'm to chicken to watch it at night or without my DH or both. That's when I thought to myself "WTF happened to the girl who wanted to be the one to bring Blood and Gore to the Silver Screen?"

I guess I realized how scary the real world is. I guess I see how my precious, golden children are growing up in this scary, scary world. Everything from War to Terrorism to Natural Disasters to Disease. Those things could kick the Horror Trinity's ASS. Michael Meyers has nothing on the panic of a pandemic. Freddie Kruger would never survive a high scale earthquake. And Jason Vorhees seems minuscule next to any real life killer (both terrorists and serial). But, most of all, every horror movie villain monster ever made can't even compete to the real injuries of your own child.